I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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