And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
