We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
