Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
