woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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