Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
