Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
