they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
