haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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