her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
