I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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