I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize