break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
