I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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