if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
