You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Let's get the cat blown out
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
