I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
