She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
