dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize