Swine flu. Run for my life!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
