I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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