There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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