No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
