What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
