I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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