He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
