just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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