the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
