I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize