party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
