When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
