His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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