So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
