Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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