I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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