Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
