You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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