turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, beer. Big fan.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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