he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
