just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
