fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize