Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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