he puts the penis in happiness.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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