How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
