Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize