i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
