i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
