he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
