this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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