I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
