My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
we're so committed to being not committed
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