I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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