ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
