Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
