At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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