...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
