I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
