it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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