he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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