I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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