I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I think I won the penis lottery.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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