be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
