The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
