I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
