My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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