You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
