i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
