last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
