also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
